THE ADVENTURES OF ANNA AND CAROLINE
by Anna Vader
Summary: Anna and Caroline, two teenage girls, are turned loose on the Executor, and chaos follows
1. Harriett and a Visit from ObiWan

A/N- Hey, this is my first fic. So go easy on me! I am mostly writing this to entertain my

psycho, sister in the force, Caroline Higgins. This is purely humor and is mostly

composed of inside jokes and such. Read and review! May the Force be with you!

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or anything. Master Lucas does.

Lord Vader's meditation was rudely interrupted by the sound of a high-pitched squealing emanating from the room next door. "What is a woman doing on my ship?" he thought. But his memory soon returned to remind him that he had two young, female, earthlings on the Executor now. After they had been captured for impersonating Princess Leia in a talent show. They are staying with Vader to become apprentices and entertain the crew. Lord Vader situated his helmet on his bald head and went to see what was wrong this time.

"Oh, by the Force!" Caroline screeched as there was a large, hairy spider on her bunk. The poor spider looked confused by all the commotion it was causing. "I'll get Adrift!" said Anna, reaching for the bookshelf. Adrift was her summer reading book she hated that was used to squish bugs into a gooey mess. The spider, being unusually intelligent, sensed the danger and hopped onto a stuffed animal on Caroline's pillow. "Anna, stop! It's on BATISTA BEAR!" Caroline hollered as if the world were to end.

"So?" Said Anna.

"If you squish it, it will leave an icky mess on Batista!"

"Well, what should we do!"

The two thought a moment. They were not good at solving problems the orthodox way. A normal person would a) move the spider. Or, b) squish it and clean the bear. But no. these girls were not normal. Not in the least.

"Let's keep it as a pet!" said Caroline with much enthusiasm.

"Yeah! And name it Harriett!"

"Hurry, find a jar or something. Lord Vader's coming!"

Lord Vader wearily entered the room Anna and Caroline shared. Not very happy his helmet off time had been interrupted. His mood did not improve when he walked in to see the girls were no longer screaming at the tops of their lungs and were sitting on the floor, playing with a spider. "What in Palpatine's name are you doing!" Vader demanded.

"Look Lord Vader! We have a new pet!" Anna said cheerily.

"Isn't it cute Lord V!" asked Caroline.

Caroline and Anna were fifteen years old, neither of them could sing to save their lives, and it seemed they lived to pester Lord Vader and flirt with crew members. Anna had long, dark blonde hair nearly to her waist, a bust line that put Padme to shame, and a ghetto butt that she could slam doors with. However, she was a little on the short side of the Force. To be honest, she was five foot two on a good day. Caroline had medium length brown hair, green eyes, was really tall compared to Anna, and had gashes on her legs she claimed she acquired from a Mexican cloud swing. Caroline could also strut like she had a lightsaber up her butt.

"What? I don't allow pets on my ship!" Vader fussed at the girls.

"But she was already on the ship! See!" Caroline held up Harriett for Lord Vader to see.

"Didn't you have a pet insect named Esmeralda?"

Before Vader could finish the question Anna and Caroline bust out yelling…

"Ezzie!" they screeched in unison. Ezzie was a bug that was attracted to Anna's purple pants one night that they decided to keep, until a Stormie squished her. Coincidentally, the stormtrooper was never seen again….

Lord Vader, Having a moment of weakness, let the girls keep Harriett as long as she stayed out of his sight. (although it was an excuse to avoid much whining and drama). Remembering what brought him here in the first place, he said " Why were you screaming? That was unnecessary! Never disturb my meditation again! I thought something serious happened! Like the time Anna fell and you could not get her up! Or Jedi were attacking, or the Emperor appeared in your closet! NOT over a silly spider!" With that, Vader left the room. (In a very bad mood I might add)

An hour later found the earthlings sitting on the floor, Caroline was making eight, tiny converse high top shoes for Harriett, and Anna day dreaming about her lover. When, out of the blue, Obi-Wan decided to make a quest appearance to put his two credits in. "Ugggggggg! Obi-Wan! Why are you here!" snapped Anna.

"Yeah, Brit, Get out!" added Caroline.

Obi-Wan paid them no attention and sauntered out of their closet all blue and transparent. He frequently visited the girls to annoy them and reveal long lost relatives and stuff. The girls were sick of his ramblings and unannounced visits.

"Well, getting along well with my former apprentice I trust?" Obi-Wan mocked.

"Shut your dead, bearded mouth! And stop coming out of our closet!"

"What are you some HOBO?" Anna mocked just as mockingly as he had.

"Anna, Caroline, you both know hobos only attack through windows of haunted hotels with bent bars. " corrected Obi-Wan.

"And MEXICANS on the WATERFRONT! Not even Larry Johnson could save us from that!"

"Caroline, I am well aware of your scarring experience at camp, but try to focus, I came here to talk to you!" scolded Obi-Wan.

"Spit it out old man. Before you chop us to nuggets and burn us alive!" Said Anna with an irritated edge.

"I will choose to pretend I didn't hear that!" he said.

"Ooooooo! What ever happened to 'A Jedi shall not know anger', Obi-Wan!" said Caroline pointedly.

"It matters not! Anyway, both of you know he really cares about you. You worried him today." Said Obi-Wan

"Who?"

"You know!" urged Obi-Wan

"No, I don't think we do….'' Said Anna

"VADER!" yelled the ghost.

"Ohhhhhh……" thought the girls as they realized who and what the crazy old man was talking about.

"Maybe we should apologize." Said Anna, with a regretful tone in her usually loud voice. The pair thought awhile, then said,

"NAWWWWW! we've got to test his limits first!"

Obi-Wan surrendered in his crusade to bring some compassion into Anna and Caroline's actions, and turned to leave through the closet and have dead person tea with Mace Windu, But not before saying

"Anna, go easy on Admiral Piett"

Anna turned to Caroline with a confused look on her face.

"You'll see." Said Obi-Wan. And he was gone just as quickly as he had come.

"Soooooooo, What to do." Pondered Caroline.

"Accompany me to the bridge? Caroline T.?" asked Anna

"Why certainly, Anna E.!"

And they skipped off to the bridge…….


	2. Ozzel

CHAPTER 2

Anna and Caroline skipped off to the bridge where all the action always happens. Action like stranglings. Well, you see, Anna and Caroline really had a burning hatred for Admiral Ozzel. The fat, stupid, and clumsy, Admiral of the Death Squadron. They liked Captain Piett and thought the position was better suited for him. There, Ozzel stood. Reading some something or other from a probe droid on Hoth. Anna said to Caroline, "Watch this."

"What?" asked Caroline.

"I don't know, but let's do something to get Ozzel killed!" said Anna

"Oh! Scandalous!" Caroline cooed as this was one of her favorite sayings.

"Let's get him good! Said Caroline.

So the pair snuck back to the broom closet where they did all their plotting and scheming. There, they got silly string, and a broom.

Anna walked innocently up to the Coke machine on the bridge (Yes, they have Coke machines in MY story) with her broom. Pretending to be having a "coming to Jesus" with the vending machine that frequently jammed and Anna and Caroline had to stick a broom into it's 'mouth' to get it fixed. Anyway, Caroline stealthily crept up behind where the object of their hatred stood. She aimed her silly string can at the sensitive side of his neck, then nodded at Anna. With the expert marksmanship of Boba Fett, she fingered the button then, with the speed of 10000 speeding zip lines, all Mustafar broke loose.

The silly string made contact with a startled Ozzel, causing his to howl in astonishment and turn to wring the offending teenager's neck. As he turned on Caroline, Anna swung the broom like a lightsaber so hard even Lord Vader would be impressed. Hitting Ozzel squarely in the temple, knocking him out cold. The officers cheered, for no one liked the pompous old goat. The 'assassins' of course crept under a lieutenant's terminal to watch Ozzel's demise.

Lord Vader strode onto the bridge to get a status report on the probe droids on Hoth just as Ozzel woke up from his "nap" only to realize he hadn't a clue as to where he was or what he was doing. Suddenly, Lord Vader nearly tripped over the confused Admiral. "I must remember to have the corpses of strangled officers removed" Vader said to himself seeing Ozzel on the floor. Ozzel was not dead yet though. The key word here is _yet. _Ozzel quickly stood up and stumbled about. "What is the report on the supposed rebel base on Hoth, Admiral Ozzel" Vader boomed.

"Who are you!" Ozzel replied with a glazed over look in his eyes.

"Who am I? Ozzel, do you have a death wish?" Threatened the Dark Lord.

"Wha….. Ack!" gurgled Ozzel as he met hid fate with a little assistance from two earthlings.

"You have failed me for the last time _Admiral_. Captain Piett, you are in command now." Growled Vader as Ozzel gasped his last dieing breath.

"Thank you Lord Vader" Admiral Piett said with a slight smile on his face over his new promotion.

All the crew members got together in the lounge to celebrate Piett's promotion. Of course Anna and Caroline didn't have the self control to resist a party this wild and awesome. Anna wore grey riding pants, black English riding boots and a black tank top.

Caroline wore a green skirt and cute top. The skirt still had stitches in it where Anna tried to pants Caroline, but ended up getting served while climbing to the top of her bunk. Sorry ADD moment, they walked into the lounge to her 'Temperature' blaring at the top of the speakers, so they grabbed the first man they found and danced the night away.

Soon, both girls were sweaty and still dancing. Then, they had an idea.

"Caroline, what do you say we teach these folks the 'Shampoo'?" asked Anna.

"Awesome! Let's do the Macarena too!" said Caroline. So they jumped up on the table and did the shampoo, Macarena, and before you know it they were doing exactly what got them here in the first place……

A LONG, LONG TIME AGO, IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY. NABOO WAS UNDER AN ATTACK. AND I THOUGHT ME AND QUI-GON JINN…….

You get the picture. They sang 'YODA' and all their favorite songs from 'WICKED'. They sang until their voices were horse and they could do a kick butt Emperor Palpatine impression; "Now young Skywalker, you will DIE!" Anna hissed mocking 'Palps'.

"Yeah, well listen to this!" retorted Caroline. "Take your Jedi weapon, strike me down with all of your hatred and your journey toward the darkside will be complete!" Everyone got a kick out of that. Then, someone suggested strip sabbac.

Anna and Caroline sat down at a table with Admiral Piett, General Veers, Captain Needa, a few stormies and other officers they weren't acquainted with. Only now do they realize they a) have no idea how to play Sabbacc, b) They were about to play strip Sabbacc in a room full of men, c) Lord Vader would throw a hissie fit, and d) Anna was wearing a thong.

"Uh oh" said Anna as Veers dealed out the cards.

"You've got that right sista'. Now's your chance to take those C cups out on a test drive!" teased Caroline.

"Oh Yeah! Well, well….. You're just jealous!"

"Is that the best you can do? I've heard better comebacks from a GUNGAN!" said Caroline. Anna hung her head in defeat.

"Get your game faces on girls!" yelled Captain Needa.

"Or your clothes off. Either way is fine." Said a Stormie.

"Bring. It. On." Anna and Caroline spat.

An hour later, Veers had his shirt, cap, and belt off, Piett had his cap, gloves, and jacket off, Anna was wearing her riding pants and bra and Caroline was wearing her shoes, top, and panties. Neither of the girls were doing well. However, Captain Needa managed to be fully clothed aside from his boots. People were placing bets on who would be naked first. Beads of sweat the size of M&M's were pouring off Anna and Caroline. It is not that they did not enjoy seeing General Veers' lovely muscles, but they were a few bad moves away from being in their undies. They decided to cave and call it a night before any more skin was showing.

"You're just chicken!" Max Veers teased.

"No were not!" said Caroline

"Yes we are! It would be unfortunate for us to be naked in a room full of men!" said Anna.

"No! Unfortunate you rushed to leave. That incomplete was you're game! Not ready to cave were you!" Caroline said in her best Yoda voice. "Besides, you owe me for the time you said wrestling was staged! It is SCRIPTED not staged!"

"Begun the embarrassment has." Anna said.

Well. They fought. That is all I can say. They ended up in their underwear within ten minutes. After their bout of embarrassment, they threw on their clothes and shook hands with the other players to ensure there were no hard feelings. Piett and Veers shared a room across the hall from Anna and Caroline, so they walked them back to their room, said goodnight and left. Alas, the adolescent aspiring Sith did have hard feelings, and in true Sith fashion, began to plot their revenge. Muuuuwawawawhahahaha!


	3. The football game

CHAPTER 3

Anna and Caroline, now terribly happy over Ozzel's demise, spent their spare time either on the bridge, in the Senior Officer's mess hall, bugging Vader, or honing in on their Force powers (which ere coming along rather well I might add). They had become good friends with the nice officers and some of the Stormies. Anyway, one afternoon while the girls were eating lunch at a table with General Veers, Admiral Piett, Lieutenant Jir, and some other friendly gents. Anna, being fried squash's biggest fan, asked Caroline if she would pass the fried squash. Anna then received the squash and put a copious amount on her plate.

"Have you heard about the Senior officer's football game?" Piett asked the lieutenant.

"No, when is it? Have they picked teams yet?" Replied the younger man with a mouthful of bantha stew.

"No, but you can still sign up. We're a few men short. It's tomorrow night. If you would care to join us." said Piett.

A mischievous light came into the young girl's faces as they had an awful and brilliant idea. An idea that would help them out in their quest for revenge, and they might have some fun while they're at it.

"Can we play?! Pleaseeeeeee??? I promise we won't be any trouble!" whined Caroline.

Caroline received several skeptical looks from around the table. Anna had spaced out after the word 'football game' and was lost in her own thoughts of fun and former injuries she had sustained having that fun.

"Caroline, honestly, what do you think would happen if you two were to join in on a tackle football game against guys twice your size?" said General Veers while smirking slightly.

"Oh yeah, you big hot shot navy guys just don't want to have to play with us 'cause we're better! Anna and I fight with the ferocity of twenty tigers!" said Caroline. Anna upon hearing her name, reentered the conversation.

"I'll have you know that I socked Luke Johnson in the game 'get Skyline back' in '06. Right before I was brought onto this ship! I fought so fiercely the infirmary had to send me back to my cabin to see what was blood and what was dirt!..."

"Anna ! Come in for a landing! We've heard that story more times than the skate board accident! Or even when Master Yoda fell of the bed in the night!" said Caroline.

"Well, they're all either my lifetime accomplishments or scarring tragedies that left me changed forever! That time my Yoda beanie baby fell off my bunk caused major trauma!" exclaimed Anna. The table gave her a curious stare as they contemplated the content of Anna's life story.

Darth Vader was standing next to a Stormtrooper, intimidating him. Vader was in a terrible mood. The Stormie had messed with Vader's personal collection of Padme pictures while dusting his room. No one messed with those. No matter who you were. Even the rotten old Emperor who thinks he's 'all that' would do nothing of the sort to infuriate Lord Vader that much. The poor solider had soiled his armor and thankfully was spared a gruesome and terrible fate when Vader had an ADD moment and wandered in Anna and Caroline's general direction upon the mention of a certain Jedi master who looks like a Muppet but he's wrinkled and green. They were still begging the men to let them play in the football game.

Caroline looked down as a Stormtrooper knelt down and started groveling at her feet, thanking her. But Caroline couldn't quite understand what exactly he was thanking her for.

"You smell kinda funny AV-345." Caroline said, but before the trooper could reply, Vader pulled him out of the way. Intending to get an explanation as to why they were even mentioning Yoda. "What may I ask were you saying about a particular Jedi I would rather not mention!!?" Vader demanded.

"Huh? What? Who did we mention?" asked Anna. She glanced over to Caroline like they might have to give 'Big V.' a sedative.

"Lord Vader, is the oxygen level too high in your metal egg? That didn't make much sense. We didn't mention any Jedi." said Caroline.

"Yes you did! I heard you!" said Vader, starting to sound desperate.

"Who then? Who did we mention? Are you imagining things?" asked Anna.

"Why so many questions! You know what you said and you are not to mention any of _them _in my presence!" barked Vader. He was feeling as if the force had it in for him. Like it wanted him to be punished for something… Vader could not for the life of him figure out just what he was being punished for.

Lieutenant Jir, now catching on. Realized Anna had mentioned a Yoda beanie baby. That must be what His Lordship was ranting about. After all, Jedi were a sensitive subject in the empire. "Lord Vader, I believe Miss. Williams mentioned a Master Yoda." He said hoping the girls would be punished and not be allowed to play in the football game.

"WHAT!" boomed Vader.

"Oh. So we can't mention Jedi, Lord Vader?" Anna said feigning an innocence that drove Vader mad.

"Yes! It is illegal! The Emperor could have you shipped off this ship and executed in no time if he were to suspect you were spreading Jedi propaganda!" Vader said.

Caroline saw a way to both get her commerad out of the dog house and work this situation to her advantage.

"Well Lord V. I tell you what, Anna and I will never talk about Jedi _or _join the rebellion on one condition."

"What would that be?" demanded Vader.

"If you let us participate in the Senior Officer's football game. These snotty guys don't want us to play"

"Fine, I don't care. Knock yourselves out. Literally."

"You mean it!" asked Anna excitedly.

"Yes, as long as you leave my past life alone. Not let me go, I need some helmet off time in my pod." With that Vader left the mess hall.

Anna and Caroline shot triumphant gazes at all the officers present. They knew just how to get their way with an asthmatic, seven foot tall, Dark Lord.

"Are we really not gonna talk about Vader's past life? I really enjoy that." Anna asked with a hint of disappointment.

"Of course not. That's ridiculous. Let's go get some body armor for the game" Said Caroline. The two teenagers went off to the stormtrooper supply closet to get armor, but most importantly, they still had revenge to plot against their enemies over the Sabbaccc game.


End file.
